Of Ha Ha Noises and Golden Ice Cream
by Dewdropzz
Summary: Roxas is feeling sorry for himself for not being chosen to go on a mission. As he sits by himself on the clock tower, he experiences a series of emotions a Nobody can't explain...But he does his best to try.


**Okay, so a couple quick notes before you start reading this. First of all, I've only played maybe the first half of 358/2 Days, and this is around when this oneshot is supposed to take place. Secondly, because I've only played this much of the Kingdom Hearts series, I may have gotten some details wrong. =/ If I have, I apologize in advance! And feel free to correct me. Seriously, corrections would be hugely appreciated. I worked so hard on my first KH fanfiction, and I'd hate to think I've written a bunch of nonsense. **

**This isn't based on any particular scene in the game or anything. =) It's just something I made up, kind of inspired by Roxas' journal entries. I know some of this is poorly written, but don't worry, I'll come back and fix it all later.**

**Okay, if I haven't already scared you off, you can start reading this now! Thanks for reading all my blubbering, and I hope you enjoy the story! :D**

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><p>The clock tower is a great place to sit and watch things. Me and Axel come here every evening after we've finished our missions, and watch the sunset. When the sun sets, everything around me looks gold. Axel says the sun sets red —because red is the colour that travels the farthest — but I don't think it looks that red. The world looks golden to me, like somebody's gone and dipped the whole thing in honey. The tower looks golden, Castle Oblivion looks golden; even Axel and I look golden. And our ice cream. Our sea salt ice cream still has the blue-green colour of the sea, but it has a goldish tinge to it. I know it's just an illusion, but I actually think it makes it taste better.<p>

My ice cream doesn't taste that good right now, (I mean, it's good... but it's not the best.) as I sit here by myself, dangling my feet over the clock tower. If Axel were here, he'd be looking for every excuse to slap me in the back, just so I would freak out and think I was going to fall over. For some reason, his sick mind likes it when I do that. He thinks it's funny. He doesn't understand why I don't want to get smacked off the tower. Every time I think about it, my throat gets all tight, and I feel like my stomach does a twist inside of me. Axel doesn't feel like that when he thinks about falling. He thinks it's weird that I do, but I bet if he thought about bashing his brains on the pavement, he'd feel the same way. Haha, unless he thinks he can't fall.

Axel... He's not here right now because Xemnas has sent him and a few other members on some ultra-important mission or something... I wanted to go too, but Xemnas didn't ask me. I didn't want to question his decision— Really, I didn't. But he overheard me asking Axel why he wasn't letting me go. I felt like a hot wind was blowing against my face, and my cheeks turned bright red when I realized he was behind me. He said I couldn't go because only the best, most experienced fighters were going on this mission; ones he was sure were capable of completing this task, who were absolutely and perfectly devoted to the Organization's objective.

I felt like there were smouldering coals in my chest, and in my head, behind my narrowed eyes. My body feels tense even now, just thinking about it. I mean, I'm devoted to the Organization. What a stupid thing to say! And come on! I'm a great fighter! I might even be better than Axel! Stupid Xemnas. Why didn't he just give me a chance?

I sigh, as my ice cream starts to drip onto my hand. It's getting late, and the sun will be setting soon. Soon everything will be enveloped in that golden glow. I wonder if it'll make my ice cream taste better. I bet it won't.

I hear "ha ha" sounds below me; Laughter, I think Axel called it. Those three kids are running by again; the ones who are always hanging out beneath the clock tower. I start to smile as I listen to their laughter. I wonder if they ever see me watching them from up here, and if they do see me, I wonder what they think. I don't know why I like watching them so much. I like it when they chase each other, yelling each other's names as they run. I've learned all of their names by now. The tall, skinny boy is Hayner, and the shorter, wider one with the spikey brown hair is Pence. And the girl — the pretty, smiley one who always wears orange — is Olette. I wonder what it would be like to hang out with those three kids... Whenever I watch them together, I feel like I just can't stop smiling. Like the sun's shining down on me, or like I've had too much ice cream, and I'm on a sugar high.

But even when I watch Heyner, Pence and Olette playing, my ice cream doesn't taste good for long. Because after a while, they always run away, and I feel... I almost feel like I did when I first arrived here. When I came through the gates of Castle Oblivion, and Xemnas gave me my name. I don't remember much about it, but I remember how alone I felt under the hood of my black cloak. When those kids run away, and I remember I'm by myself, I feel like I'm under the hood of my cloak once again...

I sigh once more. Why didn't Xemnas let me go on that mission? Almost everyone has gone, and I'm still here, all alone. Maybe I'm not as good a fighter as Axel, or Demyx, or Larxene, and maybe I'm not as experienced as they are. But do they seriously doubt my loyalty to the Organization? I'm nothing without those guys. I mean, without them, I don't even have a purpose... Does Xemnas think I don't have a purpose?

My ice cream is dripping down my arm now. I should change my robe, but I don't feel like going back to Castle Oblivion right now. The sun is going down. I can see the shadow of the clock tower on the ground. I guess I'm part of that shadow. I feel like I'm part of a shadow...

I pull my hood down over my face. If I can't see the shadows, the shadows can't see me. I let the gooey blue stick that was once my ice cream fall out of my hand. I don't hear the stick clatter to the ground. I guess I'm too high up. But I do hear something behind me. Footsteps, and then a voice.

"What a waste of a good ice cream."

I lift my hood off from over my eyes, and turn around to see Axel standing behind me.

"That's littering, y'know. Is this what you do when I'm not around?"

"Axel!" I feel my face light up. Suddenly all the bad thoughts that were going through my head disappear at the sight of my best friend walking up beside me, carrying two new sticks of sea salt ice cream in his hands, his typical cocky smile plastered on his painted face. He sits down next to me, and hands an ice cream to me. I go to take it, but he pulls it back.

"How do I know you're not gonna throw this one overboard too? These things cost money you know, Roxas."

I ha ha, I mean, laugh out loud. "I won't."

Laughing comes so naturally when Axel is around. I feel like I'm laughing automatically when I see him — Not that those triangles on his face make me laugh or anything — Just because I feel really good when he's around. This must be how it feels to Heyner, Pence and Olette when they're together. It's like, even if I wasn't part of Organization XII, I would still have a purpose, do you know what I mean?

"So, are you happy I'm home?" Axel asks me, slapping me on the back, just like I knew he would.

"Ow! Happy?" I repeat, rubbing my back painfully.

"You know, happy. It means you feel..." Axel lets his sentence trail off, like he's trying to think of the perfect words to describe this amazing feeling. I beat him to it.

"Happy is the feeling you get when you're eating ice cream with your best friend, and the sun's starting to set, and everything looks golden like it does now."

Axel laughs. "Where the heck did'ja pull that one from?" he shrugs. "Haha, you know Roxas, I couldn't have said it better myself."

I smile, and tell Axel yes, I am happy to see him.

I'm sure we'll be out here until it's dark out. We do this every night, and that's just the way I like it. I hope it'll always make me happy to just sit on the clock tower with Axel, making ha ha noises and eating golden ice cream.


End file.
